Do your children avoid playing together? This is a common problem—siblings do not always immediately become a well-coordinated team. The older child may feel jealous of the younger one because they do not want to share their parents’ attention. An age gap also plays a role: the younger child may not be able to keep up with the older sibling’s ideas, while the older child may find the younger one’s games boring. As a result, the parent feels more like a referee and mediator than someone enjoying family time. Fortunately, there are ways to gradually bring siblings closer together and encourage them to play together. Below you will find practical tips that will help your children discover the joy that comes from shared play.
Don’t Force Them to Play Together
Don’t force it—this is the basic rule. Avoid making children play together, because it will have the opposite effect. Little ones, just like adults, do not like having someone impose their will on them. When a parent insists too strongly, children lose their sense of autonomy and start doing everything out of defiance. Playing together becomes an unpleasant obligation for them, and as we all know, young children do not like obligations. So if one of the children clearly says, “I don’t want to play with my brother/sister,” respect that for the moment. Instead of giving orders, look for other ways to encourage them, as described below. Give siblings time—friendship between children requires patience and does not appear on command.
Start with Playing Together as a Whole Family
A good way to begin is with shared play involving a parent. Children sometimes need an example of how they can enjoy spending time together. Suggest an activity in which the whole family takes part—this will show the children that the best kind of fun is the kind shared together. Look for activities that will be enjoyable both for you and for the children. For example, you could build a fort in the room using blankets and chairs and pretend you are on a secret mission. Involve the other parent too, so the children can see how much joy comes from doing things together. Creating this kind of “base” or blanket fort allows the older child to show creativity, while the younger one can be given simple tasks (hand me the blanket, hold the flashlight, etc.). When you all play together, siblings gradually become more comfortable with shared activities. After some time, you will notice that the children begin taking the initiative themselves and can play together even without your constant presence.
Avoid Comparing and Favoring
Children cope very badly with being compared to one another. If you want to encourage cooperation, avoid judging and comparing siblings. Even small remarks such as “Look, your brother put away the toys so nicely, and you didn’t” can hurt and create resentment.
Such messages suggest that one child is “better” than the other, which fuels jealousy and rivalry instead of willingness to play together. Instead, show the children that they are both equally important to you. Try to give each of them individual attention—find some time just for the older child and separate time just for the younger one. When each child feels special and loved, they are less afraid of competing with their sibling. Equal treatment in everyday situations also matters: establish clear and fair rules (for example, whose turn it is to use the computer or how chores are divided) and always listen to both children when a conflict arises. Thanks to this, siblings feel that no one is being favored, which supports harmony.
Praise Cooperation and Playing Together
Positive reinforcement is a great motivator. Notice and praise even small gestures of agreement and cooperation between the children. When one shares a toy with the other or when they build something together, praise them: “It’s wonderful to see how nicely you’re playing together!” Children love being praised—such words bring them great joy. What is more, they will subconsciously want to spend time together more often in order to earn your praise. It is important that praise be sincere and specific—describe what you like (for example, “I saw that you shared your blocks with your sister—that was very kind!”). This way, children know which behaviors are valuable. Also remember to praise both children equally—even if one child initiates peaceful play more often, try to notice the efforts of both sides so that neither feels overlooked.
Suggest Non-Competitive Activities
When you organize shared time for siblings, choosing the right activities makes a big difference. Avoid games and activities focused on choosing a winner—young children are not yet good at losing, and that kind of competition can quickly turn into an argument. Instead of competition, focus on cooperation. Activities in which the children are working toward the same goal, rather than competing against one another, are ideal. Here are a few ideas for activities that support peaceful sibling play:
Building together: Whether it is building a tower with blocks, a sandcastle, or a tent with a blanket, this kind of play teaches children cooperation. The older child can construct the more difficult parts, while the younger one hands over blocks or decorates the finished structure. The satisfaction of having built something together will be enormous.
Art activities: Spread out a large sheet of paper and suggest that the children draw or create something together. They could, for example, make a poster as a team—one child draws the background, the other adds the figures, or they paint each other’s handprints. Creating something together stimulates creativity and supports cooperation.
Dancing, acrobatics, and silliness: Put on cheerful music and encourage siblings to dance together or imitate animal movements. Making silly faces in the mirror, doing somersaults on the carpet, or just clowning around together helps them release energy without competition—and laughter is guaranteed.
Shared missions and pretend play: Children love role-playing games. Suggest a scenario in which they can work together.
At first, however, avoid games in which someone wins and someone loses (for example, races or point-based contests). If you do play something competitive (such as a simple board game), you can use the rule that the children are “on the same team” against you, or that “we win if everyone completes the task.” This removes tension and shows that having fun matters more than the result.
Look for Shared Interests and Passions
Every child has their own preferences, but there is certainly an area of shared interest that will appeal to both the younger and the older one. It is worth trying different activities to discover a common hobby that can bring siblings together. It could be building with blocks, painting with brushes, riding bikes, singing songs, or even simple cooking (such as baking cookies together). When children have something they enjoy doing together, they will naturally play together more often. Spending time together strengthens bonds and often creates shared interests.
Finding a passion that connects a brother and sister brings many benefits—children develop specific skills, exercise imagination and creativity, and at the same time learn to cooperate as part of their own little “team.”
For example, if they both like nature, they may enjoy collecting leaves together and making a herbarium. If both show an interest in music, encourage them to play a home orchestra game (a pot as a drum, spoons as drumsticks). Searching for shared passions may take some time, but when siblings finally find something that connects them, playing together becomes natural and highly engaging. Importantly, such a shared passion may stay with them for years, strengthening their relationship even more.
Give Each Child Space and a Sense of Being Special
Paradoxically, one of the ways to create peace between children is to ensure they have… time apart. Take care of each sibling’s individual needs. Children who feel important and appreciated as separate individuals compete less for attention and find it easier to cooperate. So try to regularly spend time with each child separately—for example, play the older child’s favorite game with them, and do age-appropriate puzzles with the younger one. This kind of one-on-one time fills the child’s emotional tank and reduces possible jealousy over the parent.
It is also important to accept differences between siblings—do not expect them to get along perfectly in absolutely everything. If one likes physical play and the other prefers drawing, let them develop those individual passions. Let them know that it is normal to be different and that everyone has the right to their own interests. When children feel they do not have to compete over everything and can sometimes do things their own way, they are more willing to “meet halfway” and play together in the things that connect them. In short, treat children fairly and with respect for their differences—this will create an atmosphere in which siblings feel safe during shared play.
Let the Older Child Take on a Caring Role
The older child often feels pushed into the background when a younger brother or sister appears in the family. You can reverse this tendency by involving the older child in caring for and playing with the younger one in a positive way. Emphasize how much the younger child looks up to and admires their older sibling—this can really be empowering. For example, if you say, “Your little sister is so happy when you play with her—you really are her hero,” the older child will feel proud and important. The awareness that the younger one looks up to them may encourage more frequent shared play.
In fact, younger siblings almost always look up to the older one and try to imitate them. Use this: suggest that the older child teach the little one a simple game or show them their favorite activity. This mini-teacher role can greatly boost the older child’s confidence—the little one listens with delight, and the older child feels needed and appreciated.
What is more, passing knowledge or skills on to the younger sibling (even something as simple as stacking blocks) helps develop empathy and patience in the older child, while allowing the younger one to learn faster through observation. Psychologists have noticed that younger siblings often develop certain skills more quickly because they have an older example to follow—they benefit from the older child’s experiences and guidance. For the older one, in turn, caring for a brother or sister can be a great lesson in responsibility.
Of course, it is important to maintain balance—the point is not for the older child to feel constantly responsible for the younger one (because that, too, may discourage play). Simply let them shine from time to time in the role of the wise older brother or sister who explains, shows, and leads the game. Even a simple situation in which the older child explains how a toy works can build a bond and strengthen trust between them. The younger child enjoys the attention, and the older child enjoys showing what they know. It is a clear win-win.
Benefits of Siblings Playing Together
Playing together is not just a way for a parent to get a moment of peace and quiet. It is also extremely important for the emotional and social development of both children. First, when siblings learn to play together, they are at the same time learning important social skills. During shared games, conversations, and even quarrels, children practice communicating their thoughts and needs, listening to the other person, and the art of compromise. For example, when they argue over blocks, you teach them to share and resolve conflict—lessons that will pay off in the future.
Second, siblings provide one another with emotional support. A brother or sister often becomes a child’s natural confidant and a kind of “training ground” for relationships—they share joys together, but also learn to cope with negative emotions. When one child is in a bad mood, the other may hug, comfort, or make them laugh—thanks to this, both learn empathy and an understanding of other people’s needs. Psychologists emphasize that siblings can become a child’s first safe haven and experimental ground for relationships with others.
Third, when children play together, they learn from each other. Younger siblings imitate older ones, which gives them richer experiences than an only child might have—they absorb new words, ideas for games, and attempt more difficult activities than they would without an older example. The older child, in turn, by showing something to the younger one, develops creativity, the ability to explain, and greater self-confidence (because they see that they are capable of teaching something). Shared play also offers a kind of fun that parents cannot always provide—siblings have their own unique sense of humor, their own games, and silly moments that only they understand. For a parent, this is often a priceless sight: two laughing children fully absorbed in playing together. And the bonus? When siblings are happily playing together, you get a moment to enjoy a warm cup of coffee.
Finally — Be Patient and Supportive
Building a harmonious relationship between children is a process that takes time. Do not get discouraged by initial setbacks. Quarrels between siblings have always existed and always will—siblings who live completely without conflict simply do not exist. What matters is to stay calm and consistently apply the principles above. Show children how to make peace, talk, and respect one another, but also allow them to resolve disputes on their own sometimes (as long as it is safe). Over time, as the children mature, childhood arguments may turn into real friendship. Many siblings who fought like cat and dog in childhood become best friends in adulthood. That is why it is worth investing time and heart in building a positive bond between children now. When you watch your children laugh, play, and support one another, you know it was worth it.